Do I have something to say tonight? Probably not.

Ludacris is on late night tv performing "roll out"--a song I actually like. But for some reason, hip-hop artists really haven't mastered the art of live performance. I know that's a huge generalization, but tell me I'm wrong. And alas, Ludacris has fallen prey to that same trap. For shame.

I'm trying to write a play for the Tank Plays, which goes up next Fall. It's tenatively titled Stuffing. Here's my vision of what the little weekly theater listing blurb will read as:

Mike, acting on a technicality, contacts the Men at Guinness and loads up 10 of his closest friends into a GTE Model 4 phone booth outside the Carver Fuel and Fly to await the glory of being a World Record holder. The friends complain. Flirt. Find quarters and gum. And one even offers a running critique of the playwright. But what are the challenges and rewards of being the best? And what if no one's watching, does it still count?

How does that sound? Would you come see that? Would you act in it? What if you had to be on the bottom? What if I actually have no talent as a playwright? Does that change your answer? Should I have gone bowling tonight? Where should I go in europe? Should I bring my camera, or just use disposable ones? Do I need to get some new shoes? Where can I get those circular stickers that go over CDs? Why aren't there any late night driving ranges?

I feel like some ice tea.